Why Existing Dating Apps Can’t and Won’t Build What I’m Building With VESTA

Every time I share VESTA’s vision, someone eventually asks:

“But what stops the big dating apps from doing the same thing?”

And honestly, it’s an important question. We’re surrounded by multi-billion-dollar companies with huge engineering teams, massive data sets, and the resources to launch new features overnight. So from the outside, it seems logical to assume they could simply become compatibility-focused instead of engagement-focused.

But the real answer is simple: It’s not whether they could. It’s whether they would, and more importantly, whether their entire infrastructure even allows them to. And when you examine their business model, data structures, incentives, and algorithmic foundations, the answer becomes very clear.

1. Dating Apps Business Model Isn’t Designed for Healthy, Successful Relationships

The reality is: Big dating apps make money when people stay on the platform, not when they leave it.

Their entire revenue model is based on engagement:

• more swiping

• more likes

• more time browsing

• more micro-interactions

• more returning to the app

  
  

Engagement fuels subscriptions. Engagement fuels valuation. Engagement fuels everything in their world. Even the apps branded as “relationship apps” still measure success through user activity.

VESTA flips this model completely. Our goal isn’t to maximize time spent on the app—it’s to maximize clarity, compatibility, and emotional alignment. And once users find a partner, they don’t “leave.” They transition into the relationship phase of the platform, where we continue supporting them through:

• AI coaching

• communication tools

• relationship insights

• emotional support

• compatibility guidance

• and couple-focused resource.

This design breaks the traditional dating-app revenue model and that’s exactly why large incumbents won’t pursue it.

2. Their Algorithms Are Trained on the Wrong Data

Dating apps use machine-learning models trained for years on swipe-based behaviour:

• fast decisions

• impulsive reactions

• superficial preferences

• image-driven choices

• habitual scrolling

  
  

Those actions teach the algorithm one thing:

“Optimize whatever keeps people swiping.”

And algorithms don’t unlearn their foundations because a company wants to “be more serious.” You cannot take an engine built on superficial signals and magically transform it into a deep compatibility evaluator.

VESTA's algorithm uses:

• structured emotional data

• relationship readiness inputs

• life-stage insights

• psychological and behavioral patterns

• value-based indicators

• long-term compatibility metrics

  
  

Existing apps do not have this data. And they cannot retrofit their current models to behave as if they do. They would have to rebuild the entire algorithm, which means rebuilding the entire app.

This is exactly why Justin McLeod, founder and former CEO of Hinge, is now building a completely new dating app instead of transforming Hinge. Even he acknowledged that fixing a legacy system from inside is nearly impossible.

3. Adding AI Does Not Solve Their Underlying Problem

There is a common assumption that big dating apps can simply “add AI.”

And yes, they can, and many already have: AI icebreakers, AI profile helpers, AI message suggestions

But all of these features sit on top of the existing system. They do not replace it. AI is only as intelligent as the data it learns from. If the core training data is based on swiping, superficial attraction, inconsistent user intention, and attention-driven patterns then even the most advanced AI will simply optimize those behaviours.

To become compatibility-focused, they need new data + new architecture + new incentives. Legacy apps cannot just “layer AI” over a system designed for engagement. It changes nothing at the foundational level.

4. Even If They Wanted to Change, Doing So Would Threaten Their Entire Business

This is the most practical and the most decisive reason.

For a major dating app to become compatibility-focused, they would need to:

• reduce engagement

• encourage users to stop swiping

• shift from endless browsing to intentional matching

• support couples instead of singles

• rebuild their algorithm from scratch

• retrain users

• redefine their revenue model

  
  

Every one of these steps would negatively impact their growth metrics and investor expectations. Public companies are designed to protect what they already have, not to reinvent themselves at the cost of short-term revenue. They won’t change because they can’t afford to change.

What It All Comes Down To

The point is that emotionally aligned, long-term relationship matching is not an “upgrade” to the existing dating-app model. It’s a completely different category that requires different data, different incentives, different architecture, different metrics, and different outcomes.

Engagement-based platforms can’t simply evolve into compatibility-based platforms because their entire success depends on the opposite behaviours.

Swipe culture and emotionally mature matching don’t come from the same foundation.They require different questions, different intentions, and different systems.

And that’s why the big dating apps won’t build what they could, because doing so would mean dismantling everything they’re built on.